Is There Such a Thing as Second Chances?
by Threaded.Heart
Summary: Arizona contemplates her recent decisions while missing Callie. Post Season 9 story.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: I _**do not**_ own any of the characters of Grey's Anatomy, they are all Shonda Rhimes' and ABC's, this is just for fun! This is my first ever fanfic, hope you enjoy!

Setting: Right after Season 9 finale, could be spoilers.

Pairing: Arizona Robbins/Callie Torres

Rating: PG-13

Is There Such a Thing as Second Chances?

_Pain_. _Gut wrenching, mind blowing pain_.

Arizona's first reaction was to reach down for the leg that was no more, for it had been her constant cause of pain over the last few months. As she laid her hand to rest on her stump, and her mind became more aware, the truth hit her like a Mack Truck. Even though the crash and subsequent amputation had left her in residual pain for so long, it wasn't the source today. As she reached across the bed to find Callie's hand, only to find a cold, empty space in the bed where her wife should be, the truth came back in a flood.

_I_ _cheated. I'm a cheater_. _After promising Calliope I would never hurt her again, after we had committed ourselves to each other for life, I cheated…_ _like it all meant nothing. _And the look on Callie's face when she found out… _Pain. Betrayal. Extreme sadness_. There had been so much hurt behind those chocolate brown eyes.

"_Oh God, what have I done?" _And to make matters worse, instead of apologizing, Arizona had lashed out, every bitter and insensitive thought she had been hiding in the darkest recesses of her mind since the plane crash, since Callie had broken her promise and allowed someone to hack off her leg.

Playing the horrific night back through her mind, it was like watching someone else take a sledge hammer - _no_, she thought, _not graphic enough_ - a wrecking ball and smash her dreams to bits. And then to hear Callie's words play through her mind after Arizona had screamed at her about how Callie had lost nothing, and she had lost everything… _"Well, apparently I lost you…"_

Sobs began to envelope Arizona's body. Her fingers squeezed the crinkled sheets, as her tears began to soak them. _Callie is never going to forgive me, I have lost everything. "Oh God."_ she moaned.

Callie had raced from the room after that ill-fated night, and although Arizona had tried to catch her, tried to unsay what she had said, the look in Callie's eyes had told her that was not going to happen, at least not tonight. Arizona had grabbed her arm and spun her around, searching those haunted brown eyes for even a hint of understanding. _"Calliope, I'm sorry…I didn't mean it."_

Determination and anger had filled the eyes she loved so much, replacing the unshed tears threatening to spill moments before, as Callie jerked out of Arizona's grasp, pushing her way down the hospital corridor, shouting over her shoulder, _"Oh, but you did Arizona, you meant every single word. It may have been the first real thing you have said to me in months."_

As Arizona agonized over whether or not to chase Callie down, her beeper let off an insistent buzz, calling her back to the NICU, where all of the tiny baby makers were still worried about the storm and their babies' well-being.

Arizona decided to wait to find Callie, her patients needed her. Their families needed her. And Callie was too pissed at her right now for any conversation to be productive. That had been four days ago, and Arizona wished she now she had just chased Callie down.

When the storm had finally broke, and the doctors were allowed to go home for some much needed rest, Arizona decided to head to the hospital daycare to see Sofia. Nothing made her feel better than holding her daughter, and after the long, emotional night, snuggle time with the most perfect little person in the world sounded amazing.

Arizona strolled into the daycare and looked around for Sofia, but she didn't see her. "_Excuse me, could you tell me where Sofia Robbins-__Sloan-_Torres is?" The daycare worker looked at Arizona with surprise and told her Dr. Torres had picked her up hours ago. Arizona thanked the lady and left in search of her daughter and her spouse, hoping maybe they could talk now that they both had time to breathe. Not finding them anywhere in the hospital, she sighed and walked home alone.

When she arrived home, her heart felt like it would burst. Tears welled up in her eyes, as she took in the half empty closet, and the note left on the nightstand.

_Arizona, _

_I can't be near you right now, it's too hard. _

_Sofia and I will be staying at Mark's for the _

_foreseeable future. I just need space, to think, _

_to process, and I think you could use the same. _

_- Callie_

Arizona crumbled the note and threw it across the room, melting into a pile of sobs on the bedroom floor. It hit her again how much she had lost with one impulsive decision with a woman she couldn't even stand to think about, let alone sleep with. Remorse over her actions and her hurtful words to Callie rushed over her again. If she could take it all back, she would, but that wasn't a possibility. The best she could hope for is to repair the pieces, one shard at a time.

It had been three nights since Arizona had found that note, three nights of sleeping alone, three nights of torture. _"I want my wife back, I want my daughter back, I want my life back!" _Arizona screamed, coming back to the present, pushing the painful trail of memories from the forefront of her mind. She sat up in bed, throwing back the sheets as she wiped her watery eyes, gritting her teeth with resolve, "_I am going to fix this, whatever it takes!" _


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Arizona was never one to give up easily, yes, people may view her as "cheerful and bubbly", as the "sunshine and rainbows doctor", but when she set her mind to something, her iron-clad tenacity could be almost overwhelming. This was one of those moments. As Arizona pulled on her prosthetic, and threw on some clothes, she rushed out of the apartment, across the hall to Mark's former apartment, and pounded on the door.

Arizona heard Sofia's little feet scurry across the floor, making her heart yearn to hold her daughter- _their daughter _- and it took her a minutes to pull herself back together right before the door flew open.

Callie stood in front of her, in all of her ortho goddess glory, smiling until she spotted Arizona, her expression going stone cold.

"_You definitely aren't the take-out guy." _Callie sighed. "_What are you doing here Arizona?"_

"_I…I…",_ Arizona stammered, forgetting the forceful resolve that had drove her from their bed when she laid eyes on her beautiful wife.

Callie went to slam the door in her face, but Arizona gained composure long enough to shove her body in the door way before it closed.

"_What the hell Arizona?"_ Callie fumed.

"_Please, just let me talk!" _Arizona pleaded.

Though the fierce scowl never left her face, Callie's brooding eyes softened for a split second, and she allowed Arizona to push the door open a little further.

"_Again, Arizona, what the hell are you doing here?"_

"_We need to talk Calliope, we need to figure things out. I made a MISTAKE, and I said things I didn't mean, horrible things that I wish I could just take back, but I can't, so we have to TALK through them so we can get on with our lives because I can't take another night without you in our bed, and I miss our daughter, and I miss you, I miss us! And I can't try to fix any of this if you proceed to slam doors in my face!"_ Arizona yelled breathlessly through the partially opened door.

The yelling and commotion at the door had scared Sofia, who Arizona could now hear crying in the kitchen of Mark's apartment.

"_Damn it!" _Callie cursed as she let go of the door to go soothe her daughter.

"_Can't you see I can't deal with this right now Arizona? I asked for space. For time to think! You at least owe me that! It's only been FOUR DAYS and you think that is enough time for me to process the fact that you not only OBLIVERATED our marriage vows with some stranger when you KNEW that was my deepest fear after George cheated on me, but you also dropped a bomb about how deep your resentment really goes because, yes Arizona, I gave the order to cut off your leg! Heaven forbid that I decided for you that living without a leg was better than dying with one! I COULDN'T LET YOU GO ARIZONA! I HAD NO CHOICE! I'M SORRY I RUINED YOUR LIFE! And I don't know if this is something we can just 'talk through', because you are never going to stop resenting me for it! Either way, I want some space, so get out of my house!" _

_Numbing Pain. Oh God. _Callie's heated words were sinking into Arizona's body like a cold shiver on a bitter winter's night, and she didn't know if anything could warm the cold her betrayal had placed in Callie's eyes. Tears glistened her eyes, threatening to fall, threatening to send her to a dark place she didn't know the way back from.

_Callie is right. I did blame her. I resented her. The one person who really cares about me, and I resented her for saving my life._

Callie was back at the door now, holding Sofia, and trying to settle her wails, her face looking tired and worn. _Defeated. _Arizona thought, _she looks defeated. I did this…_

'_I'm sorry, Calliope…truly sorry…"_ Arizona started backing up to leave when Callie grabbed her shoulder, her tired eyes meeting Arizona's still glistening orbs.

"_Wait Arizona… I'm sorry, we have a lot to talk about, but not yet. I can't. I just can't. But our daughter heard you, and she isn't going to calm down until she sees you. She misses you, and even though we have some stuff to work out, it isn't fair for Sofia to lose the only other parent she has left. She already lost Mark, and the past few days without you have been hard on her…do you want to see her?" _

Arizona's heart broke at the vulnerability in Callie's voice, and reached for their daughter. Sofia's eyes lit up immediately when she saw Arizona, and she began to coo and show off her dimply smile. Both of her mamas couldn't help but mirror the smile at their little girl's reaction. They stood in silence for a while, their attention focused solely on their daughter and her needs.

Finally Arizona glanced at Calliope, peeling her eyes away from their little one long enough to say "_Thank you for this…I have missed her so much…missed you both…thank you Calliope for letting me see her…", _Arizona's voice came out soft and smooth, with a low, musical quality, making sure their daughter would not again be pulled in the middle of their heated argument.

Callie just nodded, her emotions obviously pulled at the sight of her wife holding their daughter. She reached out for Sofia, who gladly went back in her mother's arms.

"_Maybe we can talk soon Arizona…when someone can sit with Sofia so she doesn't get upset when her parents 'talking' turns into a yelling match…I just don't have it in me to fight anymore…not tonight."_

It was Arizona's turn to simply nod, her emotions barely hiding below the surface. She kissed Sofia once more before giving Callie a gentle squeeze, and moving back towards their apartment. She quickly went inside and shut the door. Her limbs seemed to no longer be able to support her weight as she melted into a puddle of ooze on the floor.

Arizona let one tear fall, her heart sinking like a ship. The only truly ironclad, unbreakable thing in her life had been their relationship. They were the unstoppable, the unsinkable, Callie and Arizona. They were everything the Titanic had claimed to be on its maiden voyage, and yet, it seemed just like the iconic steamboat, their relationship might be sinking deeper and deeper. A pool of tears began to form on the floor, as sob ripped through Arizona's body like a flood. She was a surgeon, she prided herself in fixing things, fixing people, but this fix was going to be a lot harder than she had first imagined.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

It had been a little over two weeks since the day Arizona had confronted Callie at Mark's apartment. She wasn't a huge fan of the waiting game, but she could still see the desperation in Callie's eyes when she had asked Arizona for space. So that was exactly what Arizona was trying to provide.

It had been a little more difficult to provide space at Grey Sloan Memorial, after all, they were both attendings, let alone board members and part owners. All decisions had to run though the board, and board decisions meant seeing Callie. Still, she had tried her best to respect her wishes.

Arizona had been practically living at the hospital, spending her nights in vacant on-call rooms, trying not to think of the precious moments she and Callie had spent in some of these same rooms. But hospital on-call rooms were a thousand times less painful than walking into the deafening silence of their apartment. Arizona felt like the walls were closing in around her every time she walked through the door, like she was suffocating, trapped…alone. _Yes_, hospital cots were much better than empty apartments, she thought.

Joe's bar had also been a more frequent haunt for Arizona in the past weeks. The alcohol seemed to take the edge off her grief, plus, Joe made a good listener to her incessant drunken ramblings.

"_Joe, I love her, God…I love her. But I was stupid! I messed up! I got so use to shutting myself off for months…because, because I was in this deep, dark place, a place where no one could reach me, not even my wife, especially my wife…ugh…and then I spent months putting up a façade, trying to prove to myself and everyone else that I wasn't broken anymore, that I was okay…but Joe, Joe, I was broken, I was shattered. And then someone looked at me like I wasn't damaged goods for just one instant, like I still had something to offer, like for one second I didn't have to be perfect, like I could drop my armor…and I reacted in desperation, without thinking…and now I have ruined my life. But, I was drowning Joe, and nobody even noticed my screams…" _

_Poor Joe_, Arizona thought, _I owe him a case of beer for listening to all of my crazy moody drama…maybe two cases. _

At least the time apart had allowed Arizona the opportunity to think about what had pushed her down into the spiraling nightmare that now laid claim to her life. She realized she had been a ticking time bomb, an unstable, erratic, unpredictable mess, ready to blow at any minute. And that's exactly what happened; she had exploded, leaving an aftermath of carnage and blood, wounds that would take time to heal. But wounds _could_ heal, with enough patience and care; damage could be fixed, maybe not without a few visible scars, but still, an injury could be healed. That was the hope Arizona was holding on to. _Healing, a chance to start over, that's all I can hope for, _she thought.

Arizona had made an appointment with the hospital's psychologist for later today; she wanted someone else to listen to her ramblings, maybe help her make sense of the last few weeks. Besides, if Callie ever did choose to speak to her again, seeking professional counsel might help her believe that Arizona truly wanted to repair the damage she had done, fixing herself first and hopefully, their relationship. Arizona sighed, and walked into the waiting room, preparing herself to open up to a complete stranger as she found an empty seat. It seemed like only seconds had past when the receptionist told her the doctor would see her now. Arizona nervously pulled the door open and walked inside the nicely furnished office of Dr. Bowman.

"_Hello Dr. Robbins, my name is Dr. Bowman. What brings you to my office today?" _Dr. Karen Bowman looked across her mahogany desk, studying the woman before her. Although this appointment was made voluntarily, Dr. Bowman could still sense some hesitation in Dr. Robbins.

Arizona bites her lip, and sits down in the chair across from Dr. Bowman.

"_Okay, so here it goes, I'm an army brat, my dad always taught me to be the good man in the storm, rely on no one but yourself, so even though I came in today voluntarily, taking to someone…anyone, is really a struggle for me, let alone a psychologist who is going to 'shrink me' and try to analyze everything about me. But I know I need to talk to someone, because honestly, I am a mess. With the plane crash, and watching my friends die before my eyes…having my wife amputate my leg…and then it just gets dark, I got all dark and twisty, and it lead me to a place where I cheated on my wife, the love of my life, my world, and I have to fix this! So, I'm here to fix me so I can fix my marriage…I have to fix my marriage, because there is no way I can survive without Callie…" _Arizona continued her nervous rambling breathlessly.

_Dr. Bowman calmly interrupted Arizona, "Dr. Robbins, take a breath. I appreciate your enthusiasm, however, let's take this one step at a time…" -_

Before Arizona even realized it, she had been sitting across from Dr. Bowman for three hours, telling her about her life, about the darkness she had been swimming in over the past months, but mostly about Callie…how she had stood by her, even if she didn't deserve it. _Hopefully she will still stand by me after what I have done…_an audible sigh escapes Arizona's lips.

"_Well, Dr. Robbins, for someone who finds talking difficult, you are making great progress. If you are open to it, I would like to start scheduling regular sessions with you, so we can work through some of the things you are struggling with. Eventually, I would love to have a joint session with you and Callie, should she be open to it." _Dr. Bowman stood and extended her hand to Arizona_, _"_See you_ _later this week Dr. Robbins?" _

Arizona smiled back at the doctor, one of her first real smiles in weeks, _"Yes Dr. Bowman, I would like that very much, thank you."_

_Hope, I am holding onto hope! _Arizona dared to believe Dr. Bowman, things could get better with time.


	4. Chapter 4 - Callie's Point of View

Chapter 4

(_Callie's point of view_)

Dr. Miranda Bailey kept looking over at Callie, staring her down from across the Attending's Lounge.

Callie looks up, irritated, _"Jeez Bailey! What?"_

"_Torres, you have been running around this hospital for almost four weeks with this bad-ass attitude, and not your normal 'cardio-goddess-bad-ass-surgeon-attitude', but this mean, bitter, 'yelling-at-nurses-and-interns-for-no-reason-bad-a ss attitude', and you need a Miranda Bailey attitude check!" _said Bailey pointedly.

"_What the hell Bailey? You and everyone else can just back off! I AM FINE; I JUST NEED SOME FREAKING SPACE!" _Callie screamed at her friend.

Bailey gives her a firm look, _"Have you talked to your wife yet Torres? Even tried to fix your marriage?"_

"_And how exactly am I suppose to do that Miranda Bailey?" _Callie looks at her, exasperated.

Bailey rolls her eyes._ "Torres, you go up to your wife, the one you married, you know, at the ceremony I presided over, and you tell her you're angry, and she was wrong, but that you aren't going to let her win, that you are going to make her stick out her vows and fix the mess she created."_

Callie gave Bailey an angry glare, but there were tears pooling in her chocolate brown eyes.

"_I don't know how, Bailey, I just don't know how…all I feel right now is pain…and betrayal because Arizona was the one who caused this immense heartache I experience with every breath…and it just hurts…"_

Bailey's gaze softened_, "I know you are hurt Torres, and you have a right to be, no one would ever say you didn't have a right to be…but I have been here through it all, the marrying George thing, and then the fling with Mark thing, but Callie, when you met Arizona, it was no longer a 'thing', it was THE THING, and everyone with eyes could see you and Robbins are perfect for each other…so all I'm saying is don't let one mistake ruin the one thing that means the most to you in this world." _

_Maybe Bailey is right…_thought Callie as she left the Attending's Lounge, a look of steel and determination covering her face.


End file.
